Day 18 - The Person That You Wish You Could BeDear Person that I wish I could be
I wish I could be a better person. I don't have anyone specific in mind that I'd like to emulate, I just wish I was better, a better version of myself. Sometimes I think that other people would be able to be me so much better than I am. Don't misunderstand me, I thoroughly like my life, and I don't dislike myself, but I'm not as good as I could be. I wish I was smarter and more dedicated to my studies, I wish that I actually cared. I wish that I could be bothered with my appearance most of the time. I wish that I spent more time getting dressed, I wish that it mattered to me more. I wish that I actually cared about keeping in contact with school people. I wish I missed more people from my grade, but the truth is, I couldn't give a damn. I wish that I had a clear idea about my future, I wish that I had something to work towards. I wish that I was more organised and kept my room clean, I wish that I was anal in that department. I wish that I didn't wish for these things so much, I wish that I was more content in my own skin. I wish that I was older, not significantly, but enough. Enough for you. I wish that I could be content with others, I wish that I didn't care and feel the way I do. I wish that I wasn't so content with my 'mature' decisions, I wish that I wished I was still a child. I wish that you hadn't brought about this change in me. Actually, that's a lie. I like the changes in my attitude, I just slightly wish that you knew about them.
But at the same time, I like who I am. I like my life and most of the people in it. Sometimes I wish that I was a super human version of Eleanor, but I'm not. I'm the perfectly imperfect version that is imperfectly perfect for that imperfect individual who is perfect for me. And I'm more than ok with that.
Sincerely, Eleanor
Until next time fellow humans....
