I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about how other people influence our decisions when it comes to our relationships and affections for others. As much as I strive not to care what others think of me and what I do, I still inadvertently find myself grappling for their approval when I reveal love interests and the like. I know that we have all found ourselves in the situation where we are perhaps showing photos of a love interest, only to see your friend trying to hide their disgust/disapproval/dislike. It is then that the magic words are uttered; "this is a bad photo! Honestly, they look so much better in real life, I swear!". I have fallen victim to this awful phrase, but the more that I've pondered on it lately, the more it has confused me and pissed me off. Why do we want our friends to find our love attractive? We obviously don't want them to be interested in them as well, do we really need that validation?
Another trait in this area that I'm guilty of is trying to get my friends to agree or see that someone is 'my type'. Even after they may have turned their nose up at the photo they were just shown, this action could be immediately eradicated in my books if they follow it up with a "oh, but I can definitely see you guys together! He is so your type, not mine, but definitely yours!". Why do I care if he fits into a self-made mould? As a younger adolescent, my friends and I would compose lists of our perfect man and the traits that he had to possess. These lists would obviously be very different to each person, and would thus determine our 'types'. And for some reason, each time we developed possible affections for someone, it would be followed up with one of these comments; 1) "He is so amazing, and so my type!" or 2) "I don't know, he's pretty great, but not really my type. I'm not really into [insert stereotype here]." Why is it that we feel restricted by this piece of paper that we've made? Why is it that we've decide to only date guys 4 years older who like to write poetry, listen to The Beatles and surf on the weekend? So over these last few years, as I began to see the immaturity of this notion, I compiled a new and improved list of my ideal partner. They must have a relationship with Jesus, be older than me and want to have children. That's it, that's my list. When I say older, that's open to interpretation, age is just a number to me. I hate letting these stereotypes get in the way of true and significant affection and emotion. When my friends used to say to me that a guy wasn't my type, that used to make me completely re-evaluate the entire situation. But now, now I simply concede that I don't have a 'type', my heart does not simply fit into a 4-by-4 grid. There may not be the 'perfect/ideal' guy for me, no stereotype that I will definitely end up with. Don't get me wrong, saying that someone is your type is different to someone simply telling you that you look good together or they can imagine you as a couple, that's a horse of a different colour.
I've been told by others on many occasions that I won't end up with someone conventional, because that's simply not me. And I have to agree with that. But what I don't agree with is why third parties are so important in relationships? So even if my friends don't find my love interest attractive (and I know for a fact that they don't), that doesn't stop me from fully realising, knowing and appreciating the completely and utterly amazing person that he is to me, not to them, but to me.
PS. New blog URL next Friday; www.eleanordorotheaclark.blogspot.com
Until next time fellow humans....
