Day 5 - Your DreamsDear Dreams
Wow, that sounds really lame. I'm not used to addressing a letter to something that is not actually a someone. I'm not sure what I'm meant to say to you, how does one address their dreams in this form? My dreams have changed and evolved over the years, and they will probably continue to do so. But one thing that I'm definitely focussing on with these letters is not editing them or changing them after the day that they're posted. I made this rule for myself because on that day, in that moment, those were my completely honest and real thoughts, opinions and beliefs. So right here, right now, this is a letter to my dreams.
I'm sorry when I set too high expectations for myself and never reach you, and consequently feel as if I've failed. Part of me is still unsure as to what my dreams actually consist of, my head doesn't feel very clear on this topic. But basically, I know what I want, I just have trouble articulating these desires. Some of my dreams are more general in their nature, whilst others are rather specific. So I'm not really too sure how to write a letter to them.
You see, the thing is with dreams, I desperately want mine to come true. I want the life that I've envisioned for myself to come true, I want to live my dreams. My dreams are also of course different to what others would like. Do I want to go to university, get a job, get married, have kids and die? No, not particularly. Do I want to graduate university and have a career, maybe more than one? Yes, I do. Would I like to get married and have children? Yes, I really would. But I think in essence, I can't live my life like a novel. I need to be able to press the shuffle button every once in a while.
So, my dreams. I need you to know that I have dreams for my life, I really do. I have dreams right now that I want to come true so desperately that it hurts. I have dreams that I think are completely ridiculous and unachievable, but I have others that I'm discovering hold a small glimmer of hope. But the thing is, the most essential aspect of my dreams is that I refuse to be boxed in and held ransom by them. I will not live my life in anticipation for my marriage that I've decided will happen when I turn 24. I will not wait for my 2 daughters and 2 sons to be born before I'm 35 but after I've managed to attain my PHD. Of course I would love for my dreams to come true, and I'm going to do all that is in my power to make them happen, whether it is worth it or not. My dreams are mine, and they are real and they make me smile, laugh, cry and bleed, but they do and they will not define how I live my life.
Sincerely, Eleanor.
Until next time fellow humans....
