What do you do when everything changes but you don't miss the past? I feel like I'm living a whole new life this year, nothing has stayed the same as I transitioned from high school student to university adult. I lived in a delusional fantasy world last year as I anticipated this year's changes, thinking that I would remain in constant communication with everybody from school (whether it be through the internet or face-to-face). But I really was living in a state of delusion. Who was I kidding? There were people at school that I barely spoke to (or even liked for that matter) while I was there, so what made me think that I would keep in contact with them? And a lot of those that I did talk to, I've realised I only had superficial relationships with. There was nothing sustaining there that would guarantee that we would remain in close contact. Now I want to make something clear here, there are quite a few people from high school that I really do in fact miss. These individuals are rather special to me and I wish I got to see them way more often, and I'm not going to name them here because they should know who they are. But know that I love them.
Part of me feels guilty because of how easily I've slipped into my "new" life. Sure, the first week of university was difficult, but that was it. Everything in my life fits like a glove. I go to uni, I go to church, I work, I have coffee and dinner and attend small group. It's not always reliable, it's not like I adhere to a tight schedule. Sometimes I oversleep and have to get completely dressed in 15 minutes. Sometimes I stay after class and talk too long and end up missing my bus. Sometimes I don't get to sleep until after midnight and I have to be awake for work at 4am the next morning. But I'm happy. And I wish I missed school more, I really do. I wish I could get emotional and have get-togethers every week. But I can't. And sometimes I wish I wanted to. But I don't, and I can't forge emotions or wants that don't exist. But I am sorry.
Until next time fellow humans....
